Everything I want to say keeps coming out in song lyrics and clichés, so I’ll put it simply: I’m switching careers and going after my RN. I’m going to be a nurse. I can imagine this might confuse a lot of people who know me as I’m highly creative and I do things like dance and write and play with social media… which are all awesome, so let me explain.
I was (am) very good at my job. I like the psychology and theory behind what I do with social media. It fascinates me, but unless I’m doing it for the right people or the right reasons it feels forced and fake which goes against everything I believe it should be. And having to sit in an office, even a fancy one with great perks, for eight hours every day kills a part of me. I get lost in my head. I need to be moving and physically doing things. It has taken me a good portion of my life to realize this. I will always have these skills, and if my new career doesn’t work out I have a breadth of abilities to pursue in the future.
Being a CNA and then an RN allows me a job where I get to move around, I get to help people, and I get to hone a skill set that is tangible. I grew up around medicine and have always been grateful to the medical staff that give part of themselves to their patients and patients families. I want to give that to people. In constantly moving and doing I don’t have to get stuck in my head. Also, nursing will open up for me a world I’m not accustomed to in terms of financial stability and job security. Things which, at this point in my life I need to focus on to get where I want to be. As artistic and creative as I am there is a rational side of my brain that feels neglected. Don’t think for a second I’ll let it flip around and focus on the science of being a nurse so completely that I let my artistry die. I will still be reading up on communications, and writing, and dancing. Those are things I could never give up, and honestly I think will only make me better at whatever I do.
This past six months have been a lesson in patience. No matter how many times I reinvented my approach, I never managed to connect to the right people at the right time in the right way to interest them enough to talk with me about work. Maybe I didn’t look in the right places, or my timing was simply off, or I just don’t know the right people. Though the people I do know are pretty great so I don’t know if being connected to other people, or other types of people would have gotten me anywhere I wanted or needed to be.
This past six months made me question a lot about how I evaluate myself. How much stock do I put in my education? my work experience? my hobbies? my (lack) of social life due to having friends all over the world? the amount of hours I spend on tumblr? or the ones spent writing? the hours I spend dancing? how many pairs of pointe shoes I go through? how healthy I eat? What are the things that define me? yes and no to all of these. Each is only an aspect of who I am, and I cannot let one thing however good or bad define me completely. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if it was time for a new Plan A. And if making a new plan was giving up or moving on and if there was even a difference. Perhaps, but I’m making a decision to change in the hope that I will do better and sometimes that is harder than continuing on with what I have done, which is comfortable, even if I will fail.
This past six months not a lot happened. Everything rolled to a screeching halt as I searched for a job. Slowly I started doing things I had set aside, like writing. Although I’m not nearly at where I had hoped, I just passed 40k on my first novel and still have another 30k+ to write I estimate. I also keep writing poems when I’m not trying. I kept dancing, and got back into aerial yoga. I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time. I feel more aware and in control (or at least willing to roll with whatever comes my way).
In essence, perspective.
This past week I feel that everything has happened. I officially decided I’m going back to school next month. I’ll be getting my CNA license (Certified Nursing Assistant) this term and starting my prequisites for my BSN (Bachelor of Science: Nursing). I’ve been offered a couple of jobs, and am in the running for a couple more. Strangely enough none of these jobs are in “my field”. I rewrote my resume to focus only on customer service/management, dropped my masters degree (sorry future employer if you’re reading this I’m hella educated, which really shouldn’t affect your decision anyway), and BAM phone calls for interviews. If I had tried this six months ago I don’t believe it would have worked. I needed this last six months of struggle to realize what is really important to me. It’s in that confidence that I believe everything finally started coming together.
I made a decision. I did something (that wasn’t passive and just sending out resume after resume). Maybe this is the universe’s way of saying I made the right decision, or that I opened a door so I found the tools I need to succeed.
Whatever it is,
I’m going on an adventure.