I took this photo a couple of weeks ago. I was exhausted and writing about being sick and making the choice to take care of yourself above all else because sometimes that just has to happen. The bug that was going around had struck me down. And as I don’t often get sick, I get really sick when I do. I was out of commission for two weeks. At the end of those two weeks the thing that I had been dreading happened and really it hasn’t been half as bad as the worry and anxiety the idea of it was. All that worry and anxiety is probably what allowed me to get sick in the first place. Which, let’s reiterate, is entirely unpleasant.
First thing on a Monday morning my boss called me into the HR office at work, handed me a severance check and let me go. The reason is neither here nor there and, in all honesty, a little murky. But instead of feeling despondent, anxious about what was to come or like a failure a sense of calm has set over me since that day. Sure, there’s a nagging insistence that I need to figure out where my next paycheck is coming from… but I’m really not worried about it yet. If my life has taught me anything it’s that I land on my feet running when the worst happens. I’m good at keeping going and figuring out the next step even when I don’t know exactly where I’m headed or why.
Sometimes we have to keep running blindly forward with an unknown path unfolding before us to reach the really amazing points in our life. We might see glints of possibility in the distance but we don’t know if they are on the road we travel. Other times we see the path branch off as we pass opportunities by. Sometimes we see those paths too late to change course. In the end though it’s an act of faith in ourselves. When we run blindly forward we have to trust our past experiences. We have the muscle memory of how to run. We know what it feels like to stumble, and hopefully we’ve learned how to stumble and not fall, or at least fall with aplomb.
Truths keep finding their way to me in the form of tired clichés but they something solid and real in them. When one door shuts another opens. Before, looking at my future I saw all my choices as carefully calculated moves in a game beyond my comprehension. Now that I don’t have a job I feel like I’ve been kicked off the game board, but in front of me I can make any move because there aren’t any rules. Okay, I might still have to obey gravity and things like that, but now it just feels like I need to pick a direction and start
walking running, I’m bound to find an adventure before too long.