Six months of resumes, rewrites, rejections and silence have weighed themselves on my shoulders, forcing me into the corner and wondering where I took a wrong turn. I had hit a slump. My energy waned and I realized I needed to proactively do something or risk never leaving this seemingly endless cycle. A pep talk to me, and the rest of you out there spending to much time on the couch.

When the alarm goes off and even the movement of flicking the snooze button seems futile I almost wonder if it would be better to just give in. When hopelessness settles in before 10am how could anyone face the day?

When you’ve sent out so many resumés you couldn’t count them if you tried and you’ve received fewer responses than you have fingers on one hand, you’re over qualified or under qualified, you’re feeling the worse for relying on someone else entirely for the food in your belly and the roof over your head. When you know that one person’s salary doesn’t cover the bills and necessities, let alone your obsession with dance, and you’re staring at that absurdly large number that is your student debt. When most of your friends are 100s of miles away. When it feels like the only thing you have left to control in this world is how it all appears… you hit the gym, and find you live in a really clean house.

That is, once peel yourself up off the floor, fight every voice screaming in dissent in your head and put on your running shoes. Those dirty white and pink things you got at a last chance sale two years ago; they make you cringe, but at least they do their job. The things you can control: how clean the house is, how many times you get out of the house each day, how much water you drink and what you eat. These things feel futile, and insignificant when you look at your bank balance. You find yourself facing the problems and worries of every lower-middle class citizen (though I’m sure most don’t have my obsession with dance.) It’s a delicate balance between surviving and losing the battle. But to win it, you have to take charge. By putting on the shoes and getting off the couch you’re making an active decision to do something. Once you remind yourself what actually doing and accomplishing feels like, all the words that you repeat, that loved ones repeat, become comforting truths instead of  cold empty placations, instead of excuses.

it’s the economy. that wasn’t the right job. things are still okay, some of it’s actually going well. you’re fortunate to have what you do have. you’ll get a job soon. 

weee! endorphins!

The words push through the wall of futility, fight back the voices of dissent and ring with truth instead of a hollow hope. You get up off the floor and put on your running shoes because you’re in charge. You control what you can and let go of what you can’t. There’s no use in giving in, because then you’ve let them win, every person who ever told you no. And really, you can’t let that happen, because you’re a game changer, a do-er. Besides, all those mornings at the gym means you fit in that dress/pair of pants/suit you bought a year ago and haven’t worn since and nothing looks better at an interview than an honestly confident & comfortable person. All those endorphins can’t hurt either.

Also, the first thing you’re buying once you land that job is a new pair of running shoes because you really can’t abide the pink any longer.